My name is Tessa and this is difficult...

My name is Tessa and this is difficult ~

My friends see me as the strong silent type, who doesn't seemed fazed by the world around me. 

To be honest at times I feel like that little 4 year old girl who was forcibly and violently victimized by a close friend of the family. I want people to know although it is very difficult to "talk" about it, I needed to get this off my chest.

I know many of you have been in a similar position, but "telling" someone you know or trust helped me with my abuse which lasted 3 years.

For years, I have attempted at blocking out what he did to me, and felt as long as I didn't mention him or see him anymore, that I would be fine. I mean heck, I live in a different state and felt there was no way I could be hurt like that again, until my company asked me to travel to a town close to where I lived for a presentation.

At first, I declined, but they insisted I go as a representative of our insurance firm. I even pretended I was sick, but other tactics I used to no avail. The president of our company insisted I go. I was even having nightmares of what took place all those years ago..

Finally, I went to a counselor who felt that sharing my story might be a step toward reclaiming my inner strength. After she coached me for 2 weeks, I was still hesitant that I would "see" him, but she assured me that I would be fine.

Finally, on the day of my flight, I got on the plane and flew to my home town and took a taxi to my hotel and prepared for my presentation.

I still had horrid thoughts of what if I run into him. What would I say or do? 

My counselor had asked me about hypnosis, which I thought was allowing someone to control you..

But, she explained it was to help me relax and take control of my own emotions and feelings. so she made a recording for me to play back, should I feel anxious and nervous.

It allowed me to re-frame my mind so that I could gain more control of my reactions. I want to say hypnosis may not be the right tool for everyone, but for me it has helped quite a bit.

MSH assisted me in creating a script that I use for overcoming anxiety.

Let's get back to the hotel, anyway, the time approached as my taxi collected me, my stomach was still in knots and while in the taxi I quietly used my breathing techniques and silently read the script that Mandie Safe Haven created for me, by the time I arrived at my destination, I felt like a new bolder version of myself.

At the end of my presentation the company invited us out for dinner. They had accepted our plan for implementing our services for 4.1 million dollars but also realized that our service included a bundle discount and signed up for all their insurance needs to be placed under our umbrella coverage totaling 17.3 million dollars.

The company told my boss it was because of my intense coverage of what we can do for them and the way I conveyed our mission and was upfront with honesty, that they switched everything over to us and their senior staff increased their coverage as well.

After dinner that night, I felt like I was Cinderella, and was beyond excited and had to email MSH so we could get my story out there.

Which almost didn't happen, after the dinner party, I ran into "YOU Know WHO" .

At first I froze, this man used to be my father's lawyer, but was disbarred due to other's complaints about his behavior. My mind began racing and flashbacks were rapidly going through my mind, until I heard a voice inside my head from my therapist to take a breath as she had explained what I needed to do if this situation occurred.

I quickly recovered  and ran into a woman, who I almost didn't recognize from middle school. She took my hand and sat me down and explained what happened to Mr. Jones...(not his real name).

After my family moved out of state, he was arrested and spent 7 years in prison and now works as a bartender. She told me of what led up to his imprisonment and how he is now a derelict.

A very small part of me felt sad for this man, but also thankful that he was no longer in a position to harm others because "everyone" knew what kind of monster he was.

My friend Becky from middle school had suspected "something", had happened as was relieved to see that I was OK.

So to this day we stay in touch and she been out to my ranch. Next year I am planning on taking her and her family to Europe.

Thanks for hearing my story and hope that you find someone you can trust.

Tessa