Welcome to Mandie's Safe Haven

How to recognize that Your child is being Groomed

According to Safe Kids Thrive

There are four commonly recognized preconditions for child sexual abuse to take place. The offender must:

1. Have the desire to sexually abuse a child;
2. Overcome the internal inhibitions that would ordinarily keep one from acting on sexual desires toward children;
3. Have the opportunity to be alone with the child; and
4. Overcome the child’s resistance.

Types of Grooming

Physical grooming ~

Involves desensitization to touch. Starting with innocent pats on the back or arm, an acceptable form of touching a younger person, the offender progresses the touch to hugging, tickling, and wrestling.It will gradually increase to gain the child's acceptance before succumbing to sexual acts.

Psychological grooming ~

Is used with both the child and the family. Offenders spend time with their victims; they show children attention and use any possible method of communication that allows the child to feel they are on the offender’s level and that the offender time to garner the influence of the parent allowing  them understands them. They entice parents by showering attention and affection towards the parent(s) and the child. This is very subtle and may take time before trust and authority is established within the household.

Community grooming ~

Is the way in which offenders create a controlled environment around themselves. Offenders are skilled in projecting an image to others (employers, parishes, schools, community organizations, etc.), that they are responsible and caring citizens. As a result, they are placed in positions of trust, are allowed private or unsupervised access to children and youth, and are thereby given greater access to their eventual victims. If a suspicion or allegation comes forward, it is easily explained away by adults in the organization who have been groomed by the offender to think that they would never harm a child. In this way, the community unwittingly enables the offender and confirms what the offender has told the child/youth as part of the grooming process – that if they tell, they will not be believed.

Behavioral signs of grooming include:

• oversteps your social boundaries – for example, they might show up to your child’s birthday party uninvited with a gift
• offers to take your child to sports or other activities, or offers to babysit or take your child camping
• offers to mentor your child, individually coach your child, and so on
• buys gifts for your family
• offers to do things for your family, like repairs, gardening, home improvements.
• shows an interest in your child’s activities, school grades or other areas of your child’s life
• compliments your family and parenting skills
• tries to start a flirtatious or romantic relationship with you.

What to do if you see child grooming signs:

• Don’t leave your child alone with a person that you don't know or may be concerned about.
• Avoid letting the person purchase gifts for no reason or work on your home.
• Ask other friends or families who know the person what their relationship with the person is like.
• Find out how your child feels about the person by asking questions.
• Encourage your child to talk tp you by asking questions like ‘Is anything bothering you?’ or ‘Are you OK?’