The Hurting Coach ~ Alissa H.

The Hurting Coach ~ Alissa H.

Hi everyone, My name is Alissa, and I am a coach for married couples. Recently, a client of mine divulged to me about abuse she suffered at a young age. She said she was still suffering from the stigma caused by the trauma she endured and wanted her marriage to be the best possible.

I believe she was shocked when I said I understood her pain. We then asked her husband if I could work one on one with her to help her overcome her fears and difficulties she was having.

He agreed and I used my tools to help her with her dilemma.

Before we begin on what we discussed I wanted to let you know my story about abuse. 

I was four years old when my parents decided they needed a break from each other. 

After my father started dating other women, my mom started seeing some guy. He seemed nice, and liked tickling and playing with me.

My mother thought he was fantastic until one night, my mother wasn't home and he was watching me and came in my room and started tickling me and slowly undressed me and kept tickling me saying this something "FUN" for just me and him and not to tell my mother.

Over time it progressed to him penetrating me, and made me bleed. I can remember trying to push him off as he restrained me and kept forcing himself on me.

I can remember crying as he realized what he did, he kept saying sorry and cleaned me up.

I can remember him buying me a bicycle and helmet and took me to the park to play.  It was after that he abused me again and I told my mother and he lied saying I fell on my bike.

I believe after that incident, my mother suspected something might be going on.

This had been going on for over a year, and then I heard them fighting, she said she had proof he was fondling me, I don't know how, but think she installed cameras in our house.

She threatened to call the police but he said he would leave and I never saw or heard from him again.

I tried talking to my mom, but she wasn't certain what to do, eventually she sent me to a counselor.  I felt that the counselor didn't really help much after 2 years of therapy. I told my mother, that I didn't want to continue going, so we left it at that.

I am not certain if it was because I didn't understand everything the counselor was trying to have me do, or I felt it would go away on it's own if I didn't talk about it.

It taught me a lesson in life, not about abuse, but the fact some people aren't ready to face their fears. It is only at that point that they are desperate or determined to make changes will they take that next step.

So I advised my client to seek a counselor whom she felt safe with and could trust. I also researched and discovered Mandie Safe Haven and reached out to Mandie and we discussed the power of story telling and mentioned her new book  From Broken to Whole: Mindfulness for Survivors She gave me a copy of her book and after reading it within 2 days, I was amazed on how much effort and insight her and her husband put into this magnificent book. 

It is now part of my regimen and am introducing this to my clients.

I can't believe I was looking for help for my client and ended up getting much more then I imagined. I want to send a special thanks to Mandie and Curtis for creating this site and giving us tools to maintain our sanity and feel like it was fate that we connected.

Tremendous Appreciation,

Alissa