Being abused can erode the trust we have in people and it takes time to regain trust that once came naturally, or should have come naturally.
As I have written before about fear being the mind killer.
We all experience pain, the difficult part is relinquishing it's control on us.
We all hear the phrase face your fears, the truth is they live in our memories and dreams and is extremely challenging to overcome.
I want people to know that understanding your fears, will help more then becoming an adrenaline "junky" and jumping out of planes or engaging in risky ventures, it is about reclaiming your identity.
🔑 Practical Strategies to Confront Fear
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Gradual exposure: Face the fear in small, controlled steps. For example, if public speaking is the fear, start by speaking in front of a mirror, then a friend, then a small group.
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Cognitive reframing: Challenge fearful thoughts by asking whether they’re realistic. Replace “I’ll fail” with “I might struggle, but I’ll learn.”
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Build a fear hierarchy: List fear-inducing situations from least to most intense. Work through them progressively to desensitize your response.
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Practice mindfulness: Use breathing techniques, meditation, or grounding exercises to stay present and reduce anxiety when fear arises.
When Fear Becomes the Cage: Breaking Free After Abuse ~
Abuse teaches fear. It conditions us to shrink, to second-guess, to view the world through a lens of threat. And that fear doesn't simply disappear when the abuse ends—it lingers, whispering that safety means staying small, that speaking up invites danger, that trusting again guarantees pain.
Giving into that fear feels protective. It feels like wisdom earned through hard experience. But over time, living in fear becomes its own form of captivity—one where the abuser no longer needs to be present because we've internalized their control.
The Hidden Costs
When fear governs our choices, we lose more than we realize:
We isolate ourselves from connection, convinced that vulnerability equals weakness. We abandon dreams and opportunities, telling ourselves we're being "realistic" when we're actually being ruled by trauma. We mistake hypervigilance for safety, exhausting ourselves by treating every situation as potentially dangerous. We silence our own voices, having learned that speaking our truth brings punishment.
Perhaps most painfully, we can become suspicious of joy itself—feeling that happiness is a setup for disappointment, that relaxing our guard invites catastrophe.
Fear vs. Wisdom
There's an important distinction between healthy caution born from experience and fear that controls your life. Wisdom says, "I'll pay attention to warning signs and set boundaries." Fear says, "I can never trust anyone again." Wisdom says, "I deserve relationships where I'm treated with respect." Fear says, "I don't deserve good things."
Survivors of abuse have every reason to be cautious. But there's a difference between protecting yourself and imprisoning yourself.
Reclaiming Your Life
Breaking fear's grip doesn't mean being reckless or pretending the past didn't happen. It means:
Recognizing that your abuser doesn't get to define your future, even in their absence. Learning to distinguish between genuine danger and the echoes of past trauma. Practicing small acts of courage—speaking up when it matters, pursuing something meaningful, letting someone trustworthy get close. Seeking support from therapists, support groups, or trusted friends who understand that healing isn't linear.
You survived the abuse. You don't have to keep surviving it by living as though it's still happening. The cage may have been real once, but you hold the key now.
You Deserve More
Fear wants you to believe that staying small keeps you safe. But real safety—the kind that lets you breathe fully and live authentically—comes from reclaiming your right to take up space, to trust your judgment, to believe that you deserve good things.
The abuse happened. It was real, and it mattered. But it doesn't get the final word on who you become or what your life can hold.
You are more than what was done to you. And the life waiting on the other side of fear is worth fighting for.
Prayers,
Curtis
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